I originally thought that I was a pretty patient person, but I soon came to realize I wasn't. I mean patience is probably a trait most struggle with, but I definitely wasn't staying true to the saying "patience is a virtue". I was in the process of trying to schedule all these appointments and I just felt so overwhelmed. Not only was I the chief procrastinator at scheduling appointments, but also now I had to keep track of all of them and not double book them which was a mission in and of itself. An agenda/calendar became my best friend and remained with me 24/7 (highly recommend getting one). However, what added more stress in my eyes were all these appointments needed to be done yesterday, ASAP... pronto.
So now on the search for a gynecologist oncologist who will not only accept me as a patient, but also accept my insurance (*sigh*). In the mean time my OBGYN ordered me to get blood work done to check my tumor marker levels and kidney function, because apparently the mass was so large it was restricting the flow of fluid through my right ureter causing fluid retention in the ureter itself and my right kidney leading to hydronephrosis (the swelling of one or both kidneys). The tumor markers my OBGYN were testing for were CA 125 and AFP (alpha fetoprotein), which elevated levels can be indicative of ovarian cancer. The way my doctor explained it to me was, "it does not mean you have ovarian cancer, all it does is make our ears perk up a little more". Elevated levels for the CA 125 tumor marker can also point to other conditions such as endometriosis, pelvic inflammatory disease, liver cirrhosis, uterine fibroids, and normal menstruation. Elevated levels for the AFP tumor marker can also point to hepatitis, cirrhosis, liver cancer, and testicular cancer. A normal CA 125 range is 0-35.0 U/mL and a normal AFP range is 10-20 ng/mL. Guess what my results were... my CA 125 value was 339 U/mL and my AFP value was 411 ng/mL. Whelp.
What was difficult was having to break the news to my family that I had to get surgery and something could potentially be wrong. I hated the fact that I was worrying them.
It was also difficult when family members would call asking for an update when I didn't really have any information to tell them or even a plan of what to do next, but wait for my next appointment. My mindset was I wanted to stay positive, but I didn't want to have false hope and I didn’t want anyone telling me things that would lead to false hope... "everything is going to be okay", " don't worry it's not cancer", etc. Everything just felt so up in the air. It literally felt like my life was put on hold and I had no control of anything. I just started working a full-time job as an EMT (pretty demanding job not only physically, but mentally) and applying to medical schools (I already sent out my primary application and was waiting to receive my secondary applications). I mean I knew for sure based off of what my OBGYN stated that I was not a candidate for laparoscopic surgery. The type of incision I would need to remove the mass safely and test the lymph nodes in my groin and upper abdominal region is one that goes all the way from my pubic bone to my sternum, which meant a recovery time around 6-8 weeks.
At this point in my journey I kept all of this information pretty private. I only shared it with my closest family members and friends (other than the few random people my grandparents "accidentally" told lol ). I decided until I had a definite surgery date, I would keep it a secret. In my opinion I found this was the best way until I knew more information (because imagine being asked a bunch of questions and all you can say is "I don't know"), which was also very conflicting for me because at the same time I wanted all the prayers I could get. Like I said this is what worked best for me, because at the time I wasn't a very big social media person and I liked to keep things to myself. But perhaps this method isn't best for everyone.
Regardless I needed my sister. When I found out I had to see an oncologist, my sister just dropped everything (keep in mind she works a full-time job in New York City), talked with her bosses, and scheduled the next flight to Tallahassee. It was exactly what I needed. I was so exhausted keeping my family updated, so she dealt with them while I tried to process everything.
While my sister was in town she came with me to my first GYN oncologist appointment, which was more like a consultation. She basically stated what my OBGYN told me that I would need to have surgery, would take 2 hours, and I would be admitted into the hospital for about 3 days. I would later be contacted to schedule my surgery date and a consultation with the anesthesiologist. It was very cut and dry, in and out consultation. Which, during my appointment did not bother me, but a couple hours later when I had time to process everything I had a whole list of questions. Regardless, my family wanted me to get a second opinion from Moffitt Cancer Center, ranked No. 6 cancer hospital in the nation, in Tampa, FL. However, here again we enter the waiting game. I didn't want to wait. I wanted to know NOW what it was inside me, so I could plan out what my life would look like for the next couple months and years. But this was when I realized the most that I just needed to lean on and trust in God, and pray.
"For we walk by faith, not by sight"
- 2 Corinthians 5:17 KJV
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."
-Philippians 4:6-7 NIV
"I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me."
-Philippians 4:13 KJV
"Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths"
-Proverbs 3:5 KJV
What's next -> August 29th my first Moffitt appointment and decision day!